3rd Entry: The Darkness Unveils a Construction of Grandeur, Unlike That of Which has Previously Been Seen on This Blog; a Shadow Assumes its Form as a Man of Great Stature Blocks the Sun with His Visage

In nomine deus, no entiendo

‘There he stood. Over there, past yonder hill. A Man unlike any I’ve ever seen before. T’was not a Man of any ordinary type, coming home from his long day of work to enjoy the evening with his family, no, this Man was standing there as though as if it was his purpose. And what did such a Man to, while standing? He was singing songs about Nietzsche, dark and twisted and somber melodies about the nothingness from which humanity is, songs that depressed all who passed, and at the end of the tune, this unnatural Man would scream “T’was but a joke, my fellow man!”—Too late for those who’d already passed him, and not enough for those listening. This Man’s name was…’

This is a bad story if you’d asked me. I, Jokke the Jokke, do not condone such uncouth behaviour as destroying one’s fellow humans dreams, desires and passion with a single strike, a set of words to a rhythm and melody as sharp as a broken glass bottle. (It’s also irrelevant to the blog)

Good day, and welcome back!

I’ve no idea idea about typesetting a blog, because great wordsmiths like myself usually use pen and paper, or systems like either Microsoft Word, or LaTeX. Therefore, you’ve got to excuse me for writing strange headings, nonsensical titles and so on. I’ve no idea whatsoever as for why they come. I think they’re following me into this electronic paper. Which reminds me of typesetting in Norway, actually. I’m not so experienced to consider myself even slightly knowledgeably in English typesetting, but I like to think that I know a bit about it in Norwegian, and let me tell ya! People really don’t care much about that ’round here.

A very prominent example: These things «», our version of the English quotes (‘’, “”). People at my age in general rarely even know they exist, because they’re typically replaced by the inch mark (“). If Word didn’t automatically replace those marks with the proper Norwegian quotes, they’d probably gone extinct before the end of the century, which I’d consider sad. People don’t care too much about the difference between ‘–’ and ’—’, the so called en-dash and em-dash—in fact, you’re lucky to meet someone who knows ’em. The last thing I’ll talk about when it comes to Norwegian is that we’ve lost our own way of writing digital time in favour of the English way. Say I want to write ten o’clock (am) in digital. What I’d have done back in the would’ve been to write 10.00, not 10:00 as is the case today and in the Anglosphere. But then again, people don’t care and I wanna whine.

International English

I’m gonna write something more about International English. Actually, I’ll just write more next time. I promised y’all a portion of my autobiography, ‘The Story of One Man’s Dreams and Ambitions, and What He Did’, around the first entry, didn’t I? Yeah, I think so. So why don’t y’all sit back and relax while enjoying the story of the world number one hero and musician.

The Story of One Man’s Dreams and Ambitions, and What He Did

I’ve often admired the greats, men like Donatello and Leonardo Da Vinci, like Nabullione Buonaparte and Alexander III of Macedon. Bands like the Shaggs and men like Captain Beefheart culturally enrich me to the point that I have, through no more than osmosis, become a musician, a poet, an artist and wordsmith.

These are the opening words that introduce me. How long I’ve slaved at my desk, working for what felt like an eternity to produce an introduction worthy someone of my caliber. Naturally, the next question, had you been here, would’ve been ‘How skilled are you as a musician, O Jokke the Jokke?’ Well, let me tell ya. I play the bass guitar, I play the keyboards. Drums and djembe, maracas and beribaus, jaw harps and guitars, pianos and synthesizers—there’s no limit. But wait! There’s more!

I think that is enough of Jokke the Jokke today. As you might have seen, he has recuperated from last time, and, as such, felt the desire to brag. Trust me, you would not regret letting him continue. This, I suppose, marks the end of today’s entry, which in my opinion was rather uninformative. Next time I will make sure Jokke the Jokke is asleep or something like that before I start writing. Thank you all for your attention, and see you next time on friday, when I write my final entry.

Goodbye.

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2nd Entry: Literally About Education, in Other Words, Vocational School. Or Rather, at One Point it Was. I Dunno About Now

Guess who’s back!

It’s none other than moi, Jokke the Jokke I the Great of … this blog. I think I’m gonna let my little buddy take over writing every now and then. Great Men become great tired. Today, I’m gonna tell y’all about this place I’m studying at, Slåtthaug vgs (Slåtthaug is more or less pronounced like slot-haw). Slåtthaug vgs has been in the game ever since it started as Fana Yrkesskole back in 1966, and you can literally* feel the history… and stuff. I’m not a smith of descriptions, I’m a smith of words. The place is great though. They give you free food too nowadays, sometimes.

I think the best thing to mention right now is that you can in your 3rd year take International English as an elective, and as a professional unemployed musician, this is very important. It’s imperative that I can sing like a Choir of Angels led by God in English, because how else would I spread the wonders of my skills around the world?

English is International

The statement above is implied by the name of the elective I took. It is later explicitly explained in the textbook. English is international. This is partially formal writing. I can do worse. Much worse. I won’t. Yet.

So, as you probably know, I wrote ’bout that good old literary analysis last time, and I figured that it might be a good idea to pick up from there. An important part of International English is to understand English—written or spoken—and what challenges the feeble mind of a student the most is the amazing art of literary analysis. I’ve no idea if people from outside our sharp, intelligent and all-knowing country actually have literary analysis as a topic, as its a great and deep challenge, but lemme tell ya, we got that in lots ’round ‘ere.

I might have lied a bit. Ordinary texts are usually simple enough to write about, but short-stories, that’s where the fun begins. Because guess what? The greatest trick I know of, that actually works almost every time, is to just bullshit your way. Let your mind wonder. If it’s a story a about a man who robbed a chimpanzee, but it was actually his mother, but it looked like a chimpanzee to the man, you’d (or I’d) answer it like this:

This story is about a man learning the harsh reality of our ugly world, and truly shows the author’s nihilistic view. Chimpanzees are known to be Man’s closest relative, and one’s mother, too, is a Man’s closest relative. Thus the author warns us of the feebleness of belief in one’s racial superiority, as shown in the main character’s belief that chimpanzees have a lesser need of money. Yet, in the end, the main characters realised that it was not a chimpanzee that of which he had robbed, but his own mother whose face he had forgotten.

I could go on for eternity, but I won’t. I’d also recommend that you use your senses a bit. If makes no sense no matter what, you’re probably wrong. If it makes too much sense, you’re also probably wrong. If your classmates tell that it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, you’re probably right. That’s life.

 The Literature

There’s one thing I can say now that we’re at the end of this year of school: I don’t think anyone is going to read any of the literature we were introduced to in class. No offence towards anyone, but from experience people in vocational school aren’t always so interested in literature, especially when it’s written by foreigners in places so far away they don’t necessarily know they even exist. Classics are often tough to read, too. Am I an exception? Not really—I lost my passion for fiction set in modern day way back in the day when I had to read a book by Jo Nesbø as an assignment. It’s sad, but true.

On the other hand, the literature is good. The Kite Runner, for example, which we all had to read in full, was a good read, and I doubt that anyone in class didn’t enjoy it at all. The various excepts were interested, but I haven’t heard anyone talk about any of them outside of class. Likely it feels like a chore, anyhow.

Aw yeah?

I think I’ll end it around here somewhere. Jokke the Jokke didn’t have the energy to do much other than spice it up a little here and there, and I’m bad at not rambling on about nonsense. I think next time we’ll write something that makes sense. Two entries remain.

See y’all on wednesday!


*Literally was obviously meant figuratively

International English at Slåtthaug vgs

Welcome

Hello y’all it’s me, Jokke the Jokke, the (in)famous wordsmith, singer, guitarist, musician etc. from the grandest, bestest, and in general, coolest town in the world, Arna, and in this post I’ll be introducing y’all to the wonders that has been International English at Slåtthaug vgs. Maybe this’ll be what makes you pick International English when you’re a student here, or perhaps you’re an international fan—either of mine or of Slåtthaug—who desires knowledge of the study and, of course, Slåtthaug vgs.

Greatness awaits

First of all: I’d like to introduce y’all readers to International English, Slåtthaug vgs, and the Great and Mighty and Definitely Very Skilled and Not Bad Like a Certain Someone Claims Musician of Justice and Righteousness Jokke the Jokke through a period of two weeks, starting today. Lemme just put a header below…

International Engli–

Wow, that’s a tad too huuuge!

International English at Slåtthaug vgs

Yeah, now we’re talkin’! Smooth! Anyhow, International English is the most advanced English education you can get at what we here in Norway call Videregående skole (or Vidaregåande skule if you are a rebel, or are a member of Språkrådet, or if you’d get a fine for not using it*). Through the English course you’ll learn about some books that most’ll neither see nor read ever again, and you learn a lot ’bout dat English. Formal and informal English, and when you’re supposed to switch between ’em, how the language works in general (be warned that the textbook counts voices, modals and aspects when mentioning how many tenses English has, which means there are more than two tenses in Norwegian English), how to write topic sentences and paragraphs and so on. There’s also literary analysis, which is everybody’s favourite topic here at Slåtthaug. I swear, there’s never anyone ’round here that doesn’t not enjoy it when combined with an ambiguous and archaic short story!

I’d also like to just butt in here and mention what was my favourite: Literary analysis of short stories. Unlike what I might’ve written before, I mean that unironically. Why you ask? It’s fun. I get to make up a ton of bullshit and put it together with some harsh and unrefined rocks, and it often turns out good. I’d say it’s a bit like being a chef, but you use invisible ingredients and you’ve gotta find out what you’re doing by feeling around and stuff. Sort of. The Invisible Japanese Gentlemen by Graham Greene is one I found to be amazing. The kind of story I enjoy writing about at school. It’s a bit ambiguous and somewhat odd, but it’s just the perfect mix of it all, so that it becomes an adventure trying to put together the pieces. I’d have compared it with being a detective if it hadn’t been for the fact that I can’t stand mystery novels, and thus detectives, ever since I read survived a book by Jo Nesbø.

Aight,

I guess this marks the end of today’s post. Y’all oughta check out this place on Friday, because that’s when I’ll post the continuation, and write a bit about good ‘ol Slåtthaug vgs.


*There’s a tiny, almost non-existent possibility that you genuinely enjoy modern new norwegian (nynorsk), in which case I feel sorry for you. It’s been butchered for almost a century now…